Top Gay

Wow, been so long since Ol' Fatness here posted that I had to log in... jesus. Sorry guys. I have no excuse other than pure lasciviousness. The Fatboy gets around, what can I say?

Anyway.. got to watching Top Gun baked the other day, and, as pot tends to do, my eyes were opened to the blatant homoeroticism. Granted, the theory that Top Gun is the Spartacus of our times isn't exactly fresh, but this was the first time I had seen this front to rear in years.

A few particular scenes really hit home-o for me, but one in particular kills me... the shower scene. I'm not going to even link to it it's so gay. So instead, how about a lil' ol' montage.

P.S. This sums it up, even though I hate the fucking guy.
P.P.S. Worth noting that this movie is Fatboy's brother's favorite movie of all time.

The House of Fatpresentatives

Summer recess is over bitches! Ok, let's recap the summer real quick:

- Cash for Clunkers
- Hot
- Ted Kennedy

Ok, that about sums it up. Hmm. Cars, heat and one fat, uppity, self-important blowhard being replaced (possibly) by another! Yay!

Ugh. I know the Professor will love that last part. Speaking of El Professorio, he and El Fat got a little inebriated last week and took down MAC-don-oohs at 10pm. Yes, you read that correctly. I didn't shit for 2 days. Never again.

And, finally, I'd like to bring everyone's attention to David Wright's ridiculous ginormous new helmet, that, apparently is a requirement to wear for minor leaguers. Ooof. I can't wait til they remake a live action version of The Flintstones and ask Dave to play Gazoo! Awesomeness.

Fat,Tuk,Vet,Gordo,Fett,Gras,دهن

Fatty fat fat giggity. Been a while since we really dug into Fatness here, so let's get our fat on. "These hard-hitting, provocative essays set the stage for a new paradigm honoring weight diversity and mark an important moment in the history of social justice." - Linda Bacon

Sorry, but I just don't know if Ol' Fatboy here can take an opinion on the subject of fatness seriously from a woman whose last name is "Bacon". Without knowing a single iota about this woman, I'm guessing what she's trying to say here is that fatness is slobbering its way into our social fabric, a move unprecedented in Fatistory.

Hmm. Mmmhmm. Booo! Ok, so I think Ms. Bacon is onto something. (Real quick sidenote: when i was getting the video I just linked to, I came across this. I am speechless.) Anywho.. it's not hard to find fat stuff and fat references, and general fatness anywhere on the internets. But I think you out there know this. My point? I honestly cannot remember, so instead of getting all deep and stuff, let's just get back to fat. Mmmmm, fat.

The Overbought List

Overbought. It's weird for me to say that, because in Ol' Fatboy's market, "oversold" actually means "overbought" - weird right? The Fatboy works and acts in mysterious ways.

I've been meaning to sling together an epic post here for quite some time, and nothing would make me happier than publishing the first ever Fatboy Overbought List. Ce soir, on chante!

• Will Ferrell: Go away.
• Brad Pitt: See above. You are a terrible actor, and that preview for "Inglourious Basterds" makes me want to fucking toss my TV out the window (and hopefully land on you should you be filming a movie out on my sidewalk).
• Quenten Tarrentino: While we're at it, you suck too. You were only popular because overly violent films is its own genre and what goes around comes around.
• Brett Favre: The king! This guy's like herpes for fuck's sake.
  
• Michael Jackson: Oh, wait, you did go away. I don't think he's "overbought" in the classic sense like those above, I think the coverage of him is. People seem to already have forgotten his weirdness. *Sigh*.
  
• Organic Food: A massive victory for American Cheese everywhere.
• Barrack Obama: I don't care what your political affliations are, you have to be sick of this guy.
  
• Hipsters: I saw a guy whose jeans were so tight the other day, I actually saw the outlines of the head of his penis. I mean, come on. Why can't I see cameltoe on hipster chicks? Makes me hate them more.
  

This will be a recurring post. I mean, Ol' Fatboy hates everything, so a short list like this goes against his nature. I'd be interested to hear comments or suggestions whether it be from my peeps in the Fatboy Circle of Trust, or you other random viewers via the comment feature.

Um, huh?

Been meaning to write about this for a long time. The comments pretty much sum up just about all I have to say about this, so make sure you read them.

I realize we disclaim just about everything as a culture, because we are largely blameless as a culture. I think I generally trust the FDA, but like many people who do what I do for a living, my trust of the government has almost totally eroded. I mean, those fuckers came out a few weeks ago and re-racked their stance on Tylenol for shit's sake! That's why I want the people at Tylenol to also put out an ambiguous, convoluted, mystifying commercial delivered by a hot chick that doesn't really accomplish anything other than confusing me.

The Fatboy Quiz

You realize, of course, that 2 posts in the same day constitutes the most posting Ol' Fatboy here has done in some time. And I'm baked out of my head right now. Seriously.

So, without further adieu let's get this started. You'll need a pencil, and a pad of paper.

1. Do you currently have multiple plastic cartons of watermelon in your fridge?:
a. Yes, I do. (1 point)
b. Just one carton (2 points)
c. Nope (0 points)

2. Which best describes you:
a. Black women fear me (1 point)
b. Black women see me as a rival (2 points)
c. Black women love me (0 points)

3. What do you normally wear to work?
a. Some form of suit (1 point)
b. Business casual, no jeans though (2 points)
c. Jeans and shirt (0 points)

4. Is Oprah an asshole?
a. Yes! (0 points)
b. No (1 point)
c. Nigga, you betta watch yo' mouf! (3 points)

5. Which of these food pairings do you often crave?
a. Sushi, Vegetables, Nuts (1 point)
b. Pizza, Steak, Burgers (2 points)
c. Pork products, Anything in BBQ Sauce, Cornbread (0 points)

6. Dave Chappelle is:
a. A pretty funny black man (2 points)
b. A grossly overrated commedian (1 point)
c. The funniest black guy on the planet (0 points)

Ok, let's see how you did!
13 - 11: You're somewhat normal
10 - 8: You're probably a construction worker
7 - 5: You are either a gay man, or your name is Erin
4 - 2: You are a rich, white male who battles homosexual tendencies
1: You are an unemployed black man, or you're The Fatboy!
0: I don't know what you are

But, sex!

You read that correctly bitches!

So I went to a butt-sex seminar a few nights ago. Toys, techniques, leather. It had it all. Stimulates the senses if you know what I mean. I took vociferous notes, and made sure to put them where they belong: the internets for all to see!

Of course I'm kidding. Or am I?

RIP MJ

That picture is just flat out creepy. It honestly looks like his nose is silly putty - do a closer look and you'll see it appears as though it's been pushed together at the tip with the thumb and forefinger. If we press it against the Sunday cartoons, we'll have an exact, reverse copy.

Sad to see the weirdo go though, I must say. I know, I know, an unconventional thing for the Fatboy to say, but this guy is my generation's Elvis. I remember the exact moment I saw "Thriller" for the first time. I mean, look at the disclaimer! The guy was a pioneer for god's sake, we didn't start using rampant disclaimers as a culture until years later. Anyway, I owe it to the guy to give him his own post, so here it is.

I Want To Go To Your Bachelor Party, Tom

That's it. No Post, no links, no nothing. This is an open letter to Tom to make it possible for me, "The Optimus Prime of Bachelor Parties", to go to your's in Amsterdam. That's a pic out of the Fatboy's personal portfolio from said wonderful city. Make it happen, Tom.

I Fart in Your General Direction

To think, a posting totally dedicated to farts hasn't been done yet here on Fatboy Rides. Astounding. I mean, this site is run by the guy who once had a Whoopie Cushion mailed to him from his mother in college along with a card and a note that read "I sent you this Whoopie Cushion because farts are your favorite."

So you can imagine my glee when Ol' Fatboy here stumbled upon this gem this morning whilst perusing the internets. This may be a dumb thought, but the owners had to have named the horse that on purpose for fun, right? If so, that is absolute genius.

Fast forward to 2:00 for the good stuff.

Munchies

What's up, fuckers! Haven't been posting much lately, and I really have no excuse whatsoever. Sorry. Perhaps it's because the Professor (maybe my only reader at this point) has been MIA for a solid month now... not sure.

To redeem myself, I've decided to post about my favorite munchy-food while stoned, as I got good and stoned yesterday and pretty much sampled them all. I'm gonna break this down Dr. Jack style:

• Pizza: specifically pepperoni pizza; there's a particular thin crust joint down in Grammercy that is out-fucking-rageously good when stoned.
  
• Cocoa Puff Cereal Bars: 100 calories of chocolate orgasm, I recommend the entire box.
  
• Smartfood: does the trick everytime, except when I made the mistake of getting the sour cream and onion variety.
  
• Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal: I generally eat bowls of this shit like I stole them.
  
• Watermelon: let the black jokes begin.
  
• Indian food: highly recommended (no pun intended).
  

Ok, so these are the staples. It goes without saying that literally everything tastes better when stoned, but these selected few are the equivalent of a wet dream when loaded up on the wacky. In my research, I came across this place. It's located in Sarasota, FL, which happens to be a winter nesting ground for Ol' Fatboy. I will try it and report back next winter, but it should be noted that this suprises me as the average age in Sarasota, Florida is probably carrying at least a 6 handle. I'd guess a place called "Munchies" would be in SF or anywhere in VT...

Stiff Neck

Woke up with a nasty stiff neck today, and I can't figure out why. May have something to do with what happened to me last night.

Ok, so Bears bouncing off trampolines are funny. But how about Bears attacking retarded women at zoos? Hell yes. This clip has me brimming with questions:

1. Why did she need a close up?
2. How on Earth did she not realize the Bear was close to the bars?
3. Why did anyone bother to save her?

More on this last point. I figure, if you're stupid enough to get close to a Polar Bear enclosure and the bear gets you, hey, that's your problem. This begs the non-sequitur question: would you rather get taken down by a Polar Bear, or an Octopus?

Back in the game baby!

A brief hiatus for The Fatboy, but now I'm back in the game, baby!

Took some time off from the blog to manage my depression due to work. By "manage", I mean, "go home and smoke pot." Nothing de-stresses like the gange, what can I say?

So yesterday, upon arrival and acceptance that I was stuck there for 8 more hours, someone sent me this angel. Now, generally speaking, I treat the "attractive" female golfers on tour the same way I treat the "attractive" girls at bars near 2am - I'd do them all, but I might think differently the next morning. This Russian girl though... she's hot no matter how you look at it. I'm thinking of moving to Russia - seems like it's nothing but hot chicks coming out of there, and athletic ones to boot!

Fat Pong

Ol' Fatboy here is nasty at Beer Pong (or Beirut if you prefer). I ran a table with another fatboy in the Hamptons 2 summers ago for 4 hours (the other guy was pointing the other way near the end..).

The point is, that night, the owners of the house where the party we crashed was were pissed at us. Not so pissed that they were going to murder us though, so have no fear, it's not that kind of story.

Note the website that story came from, by the way. I subscribe to Beer Pong Monthly and no one told me there was a beerpongnews.com! What the fuck people? Need the details...

I Am Not An Animal

Hmm. I'd like to think that I'd notice a 40 pounder growing inside of Ol' Fatboy. Hey, maybe not, there's a lot of fatness to contend with.

This segues nicely into some of the fativities that occurred last night. Firstly, Ol' Fatboy and the Professor went to a nice, local dive bar we've been frequenting for a while now (10 years). While there, we saw "The Nut". He's a bartender that works at said bar, and has a ball the size of a coconut. Never ceases to amaze us when we see it, and we regaled another friend with tales of "The Nut" for a few hours afterwards.

Secondly, and lastly, we were delighted to be entertained by an Indian gentleman playing the citar for us as we dined on Indian food. The Professor has a thing for citars apparently, but wasn't phased when the waitress ripped the heart out of the woman at the table next to us and ate it. Weird.

Fat Goggles

Quite a few "studies" done these days about various stuff. Most of the time the conclusions that are drawn are pretty obvious and the study probably didn't need to be done at all. There is something to be said for conventional wisdom and the wisdom of crowds.

So imagine my surprise when I ran into this one. Ok, fine. You put up a bunch of pictures of chicks, and drunk or sober I will most likely have the same opinion about their attractiveness, but you failed to mention my desire to go hoggin'.

After 1 beer: "Eh, she's not that cute and her ass is kinda fat."
After 2 beers: "Man, I haven't gotten laid in a while."
After 3 beers: "Skinny girls are all boney and usually have no tits."
After 4 beers: "Hmm, I bet she doesn't look that bad naked."
After 8 beers: (Recalls he's out of condoms) "Do I even need them? She's clean I bet."
After 10 beers: "I would fuck Hillary Clinton right now. I'm taking this girl home."

Next morning: "Morning. I'm fat, you're fat, let's go grab breakfast."

Moneyballs?

Moneyball. No, not the ball you play with before the money shot. I'm talking the book about sabermetrics and how it was used to build successful Oakland A's teams after its implementation.

Pretty dorky huh? Not much of a plot, more of a documentary in book form. Believe Ol' Fatboy, I've read it twice. So pardon my surprise here. Has Hollywood really run out of all the better ideas for a movie?

And Brad Pitt sucks, I don't care what the reviewers say. Soderbergh is starting to suck too. Ok, I'm done. I feel better.

Four Two Zero

Happy Stoner Day everyone! Ol' Fatboy here didn't really know too much about the significance of April 20th until about a week ago, honestly. I didn't think stoners could be organized enough to have a holiday. But I digest...

Gotta find my way to the dog park over in Alphabet City. I bet there's some solid canine stoning going on over there. The thing I don't get here is why did the kid ditch the rest of the muffins in a park somehwere? There wasn't a dumpster around? Or, more importantly, you couldn't save them and party some more later in the week? I'm brimming with questions.

Red Fat Chili Peppers

I've done some stupid shit in my life. I know it, you know it, my parents sure know it. But I can safely say I never rubbed chili peppers in my eyes to set a record.

I'm struggling to get my head around why anyone would do this. And the world record? Can't I just go out and get some oranges or something and claim that I set the world record for rubbing oranges in my eyes?

Arabian Goggles Cooper

Well, you would know, Anderson. It's a poorly kept secret that Gloria Vanderbilt's son plays for the other team. Which makes this a Freudian slip if you ask me. But why does he have trouble talking when he's tea bagging? They don't call it Arabian Goggles because it covers your mouth, sheesh. Hmpf.

Hair of the Fat

Come on, did you really think scientists would "discover" that bacon cures hangovers and expect me not to write about it? That's just crazy talk.

Ol' Fatboy would've been happy to be the guinea pig in this study. I got shitfaced last night and could've used a bacon sangwich today, but alas, it just didn't happen. So I kept my hangover until lunchtime, where it was squashed by Mongolian grill. I then shit lightning approximately 25 minutes later.

Shiver Me Timbers

So a lot is going on in the world of Piracy. And I'm not talking about those assholes selling pre-release copies of Wolverine, or the kind that goes on at these places. No, I'm talking about the now-legendary Somali Pirates. Arrrr.

So that brings me to this. Now, the Chinese are known for faking shit. Golf clubs, jewelry, Viagra, you name it. As much as I'd love to believe this, I just don't think it's real, unless Aquaman was behind this. Which would be awesome.

Mom's Cookin' Chicken and Collared Greens

No, it's not Christmas time in Hollis, Queens. But it is Christmas time in this dude's lungs!

I hope there is some follow up to this, because this blew my fucking mind today when I read this. I demand a Discovery special on this. Speaking of, this commercial totally sold me on "Deadliest Catch" and now I'm hooked.

I know you were about to look for it, so here it is.

Damn Jews

The answer to your question is yes. If they hadn't, he would've gone onto a long and fruitful career as a lawyer.

Hey, you can say what you want to about the Jews (I have always felt like "Jews" was derogatory, but I guess it isn't), but at least they don't teach their kids that a fucking rabbit hides eggs filled with candy all over the yard.

Why do Christians need to make Easter more exciting? It's a story about a guy dying and coming back to life! What's more exciting than that? We've released how many zombie movies as a culture lately? Sheesh.

Fat Sawyer

A modern day warrior. Mean, mean stride. Today's Tom Sawyer, mean, mean pride.

What. The. Fuck. Is. This? Ol' Fatboy here was driving back from the place he was hatched this weekend, and I stumbled across a Rush marathon on one of the local radio stations.

I have to admit, there are plenty of songs in the Rush collection that I like, but none are as cheesy as Tom Sawyer. Those lyrics are retarded.

Fun fact: The Fatboy used to work with a guy named Tom Sawyer who actually painted his riding lawnmower black, with a number 3 on the top in honor of another modern day warrior, Dale Earnhardt Sr.. Hey, what you say about his company, is what you say about society...

And yes, Neil Peart is the greatest drummer ever.

The Fat and the Furious

Wait, what?

Are you fucking kidding me? I was in awe the other night after seeing the trailer for this movie. The wonderment I was experiencing was due to the fact that I realized they made three of these movies! Three!

Ok, I admit, I haven't seen either of the first 2, but this is Paul Walker and Vin Diesel we're talking about. Terence & Philip are better than these two guys. There are some stupid people in this country I tell ya. And yes, I am saying you are stupid if you went and saw this movie.

EDIT: Seconds after publishing this, I found out this is the fourth (!) installment of this piece of shit franchise.

The end fatness: Fatboy Rides into the sunset

Fooled you! Of course the Fatboy isn't getting rid of the blog. I mean, what would my 3 readers do without me? (3 is liberal).

I told a friend I wore sweatpants into work today, she believed me, and I said, "April Fools!", and that was that. Lame. This would've been so much better. And yes, I think it's real.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, well, you fooled me again.

Torgaydo

5th avenue during gay weekend is torgaydo alley, just ask this guy in the picture. Luckily, there are weathermanss out there who can help predict this kind of weather pattern.

And, in case you were wondering, I'm super, thanks for asking.

Underestimating the sneakiness

It doesn't take The Professor, a master of logic, to tell you that you shouldn't sneak up on wild animals. Even those that are "tame".

I mean, the bear told you on day one, "Don't sneak up on me, I don't like that. That's my only rule." At least that's how I imagine it.

Does it count as a sneak attack if you react in a "I don't give a shit" manner? What about if the attack evolves into a primo ass sniffing session? I say yes.

Fatburn

So I cut myself the other day eating, thank god I had this. No infection for the Fatboy, bitches!

The reality of this product: it's fucking stupid. I'm not a doctor of infectious diseases, nor did I have any schooling in biology outside my sophomore year in high school, but I have a basic understanding of the world around me. Do you really need to disinfect yourself on the spot? It can't wait until you get home? What's the statistic for people infected with staph after a fucking rugburn? Please.

Nothing creepy about that at all

Man, I wish I could paint. I'd totally have an awesome website with ol' Fatboy here schtooking various Sports Illustrated Swimsuit models, or maybe even Victoria's Secret models (if I'm feeling saucy).

Man, that'd be awesome.

Unhappy Ending

Gee, thanks a lot, God. I mean, if God can't give you a happy ending, who the hell will?

I really enjoy the matter-of-fact-ness of this article. I'm no Bible study expert, but I do know my way around the New Testament, and if recall properly, God is basically incapable of giving the human race a happy ending, right? I mean, we're such a lost cause, that He sent his only Son down to Earf to save us, then had some chucklehead named John write a really nasty ending chapter. I've seen the Seventh Sign man, I know what's coming!

So you'll have to pardon my complete lack of surprise that He won't intervene and save the planet from environmental perril. And for the record, that photo is funny and all, but when you get a happy ending, you're laying face up...or so I'm told. Ahem.

Um, Hello?

So the Fatboy has been stoned a few times more than he'd like to admit in the last couple of weeks. How come, is it the markets? Is it the fact that the President is trying to take everything away from him leaving him only with his fatness? Is it his 3rd floor walkup?

Nope. Just felt like it. I set my dvr to record every goddamn episode of Family Guy ever made and got to watchin'. I came across this with a mouthful of Smartfood and soon after had the vacuum out cleaning up my mess. Kills me everytime. But is the original even funnier?

EDIT: I'm told that "The Man" took down the clip that makes this post worth while. It's Peter Griffin listening to Lionel Ritchie's song "Hello" and soliloquizing to Lionel whispering, "Who hurt you?" Wow, that's really not as funny to read.

Fatburger

How come this dude's wearing a helmet?

That burger is weak, yo. Not as big and meaty (hehe) as this one. A cool 4,800 calories. If I, and other fatboys of the like ran the world, the percent value thing on the backs of food boxes would be based on a 4,800 calorie a day diet, bitches! That way, normal stuff would look puny and make me feel better about consuming 10,887mg of sodium in one sitting.

The "nutrition" in this burger can be found here.

Creepy

So the ol' Fatboy went out for some of the games yesterday. Made a few stops around southern Manhattan, one with some hot girls, some with... um, not so many hot girls.

Got to talking with this hipster chick who was all coked up and it went a little something like this. I haven't met what I would deem a "normal girl" in probably 3 years living in this godforsaken place.

Give me that fish

This post is looooong overdue. This is arguably the funniest commercial ever made, and definitely the funniest commercial McDonalds has ever made.

So why the hubbub, Fatboy? Well allow me to proselytize: It is the Fatboy's belief that the hirsute fatboy in this video, in an attempt to make the cleaning of his garage a little more palatable, got really baked before or during the task. Inevitably, he got the munchies and hammered some filet o' fish sangwiches from McD's. Just as he's having his high hallucination, his buddy comes in (who may or may not be stoned, it's unclear to me). Just as his buddy wonders wtf is going on here, he gives him the "aw yeah" nod, as if to assure his pal that this is definitely real - while at the same time agreeing with the fish that he wouldn't be happy at all if it were him in the sangwich.

You're sold. Don't deny it.

Hey Nice Badger

Mascots. We all know what they are, but we rarely know who they are, and we rarely care. You don't need to be an actuary to predict that the people inside these costumes are huge dorks. Logic states that if you were cool, you'd be either on the field or in the stands drinking, hoping to bang some young filly later on at a post-game party.

These two fucking dorkbags.....I mean, is there anything dorkier than two mascots fighting each other? No, there is not. Some more dorkiness, here.

Movie Review: Zack and Miri Make a Porno

If you haven't seen this piece of shit, save yourself some time and just read the wiki recap.

This post is nothing more than a tyrannous rant, so allow me first to apologize for that fact. I watched this movie the other night while I was sick on my couch, and maybe it was the flu, but I felt vandalized afterward. Seth Rogen utterly and completely sucks. Elizabeth Banks is an average looking woman. The "plot" is the most retarded, obvious thing in the whole world, and the movie feels like it was filmed in 3 days without anyone in the movie bothering to read the script.

But allow me to opine further on Seth Rogen. Yes, I am jealous that he rules the world and he's like 26 or something. But jeez. This guy can't act, it's totally improbable he'd ever even sniff the panties of Banks or that chick from Knocked Up. This whole movie was done as a favor to him by Judd Apatow so he could possibly get into Banks' pants. It's like that pathetic David Spade movie where he ends up with that hot french chick from Braveheart.

Worth its patheticness in Gold

I have to be honest, this made me sad. It really did.

I've learned a lot of lessons the hard way in life, and that's prepared me for making decisions going forward that I think/hope are the correct ones. But imagine learning the lessons of life the way these 2 chuckleheads have had to learn them? Ouch man.

How do you not put money away? I make squat compared to what these 2 guys made during their careers and even I have enough money away to last me, oh, maybe 6 months. Not to get all high-horsey on you, but I would never ever sell my soul for a silly laugh on a pathetic Gold commercial. Man.

The Ironing is Delicious

So let me get this straight: you're Muslim, you own and operate your own TV station whose modus operandi is to counter myths about Islam/Muslims, aaaaaannnnnnd you beheaded your wife?

Hmm. He might as well have hijacked a plane and flown it into his house while his wife cooked dinner.

Sidenote: is this picture not the awesomest dog-Halloween costume in the history of the world?

Hmmm

Ok so I'm really stoned right now and just had an out loud conversation with myself about whether or not I find Gwenyth Paltrow attractive or not.

I mean, is she? Certainly she's relatively attractive. Like, if I were at a bar and she was giving me the "vibe", would I fatciprocate? I'm really not sure. That movie where she's really a fat chick, but Jack Black thinks she's skinny because he's hypnotized by that dude with a huge head... wait. Oh, right, in that movie when she's skinny I actually think she's sorta hot. But then every picture or something I see in a magazine or online I never think she's hot.

Ok, time to eat.

Confusion

It's Sunday morning, so my brain is functioning at half capacity due to the myriad intoxicants that were entered into my bloodstream last night. That said, while drinking coffee I got caught up in Forrest Gump on HBO.

This movie famously beat out the greatest movie of all time, The Shawshank Redemption, for Best Picture in 1994. If anyone took the Academy Awards seriously, this might piss me off more, but as it is, it just simmers as simply "bullshit" in my mind.

The older I get, and the more often I see this movie, the more I think it totally sucks balls. It's a movie about a half wit who continually gets lucky, somehow bangs a chick with AIDS, has a kid, yet doesn't get AIDS, and ends up living well the rest of his life. I really couldn't be more confused.

I'm back, fuckers

I took a few months off, sue me. I was inspired by my buddy who opened up his own blog (replete with several spelling errors, so those who take the English language seriously, you'll have to avert your eyes).

Anywho.. in the spirit of fatness, I felt it my duty to bring to your attention the Bacon Explosion. It's old news to those of us in the bacon-know, but since ol' Fatboy here hasn't posted in a while, I figured what better way to kick things off again.

What's awesome here is that it has its own Wikipedia page. You are bigtime if you can say that. It's nice to be back, I will post more often starting now.