But, sex!

You read that correctly bitches!

So I went to a butt-sex seminar a few nights ago. Toys, techniques, leather. It had it all. Stimulates the senses if you know what I mean. I took vociferous notes, and made sure to put them where they belong: the internets for all to see!

Of course I'm kidding. Or am I?

RIP MJ

That picture is just flat out creepy. It honestly looks like his nose is silly putty - do a closer look and you'll see it appears as though it's been pushed together at the tip with the thumb and forefinger. If we press it against the Sunday cartoons, we'll have an exact, reverse copy.

Sad to see the weirdo go though, I must say. I know, I know, an unconventional thing for the Fatboy to say, but this guy is my generation's Elvis. I remember the exact moment I saw "Thriller" for the first time. I mean, look at the disclaimer! The guy was a pioneer for god's sake, we didn't start using rampant disclaimers as a culture until years later. Anyway, I owe it to the guy to give him his own post, so here it is.

I Want To Go To Your Bachelor Party, Tom

That's it. No Post, no links, no nothing. This is an open letter to Tom to make it possible for me, "The Optimus Prime of Bachelor Parties", to go to your's in Amsterdam. That's a pic out of the Fatboy's personal portfolio from said wonderful city. Make it happen, Tom.

I Fart in Your General Direction

To think, a posting totally dedicated to farts hasn't been done yet here on Fatboy Rides. Astounding. I mean, this site is run by the guy who once had a Whoopie Cushion mailed to him from his mother in college along with a card and a note that read "I sent you this Whoopie Cushion because farts are your favorite."

So you can imagine my glee when Ol' Fatboy here stumbled upon this gem this morning whilst perusing the internets. This may be a dumb thought, but the owners had to have named the horse that on purpose for fun, right? If so, that is absolute genius.

Fast forward to 2:00 for the good stuff.

Munchies

What's up, fuckers! Haven't been posting much lately, and I really have no excuse whatsoever. Sorry. Perhaps it's because the Professor (maybe my only reader at this point) has been MIA for a solid month now... not sure.

To redeem myself, I've decided to post about my favorite munchy-food while stoned, as I got good and stoned yesterday and pretty much sampled them all. I'm gonna break this down Dr. Jack style:

• Pizza: specifically pepperoni pizza; there's a particular thin crust joint down in Grammercy that is out-fucking-rageously good when stoned.
  
• Cocoa Puff Cereal Bars: 100 calories of chocolate orgasm, I recommend the entire box.
  
• Smartfood: does the trick everytime, except when I made the mistake of getting the sour cream and onion variety.
  
• Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal: I generally eat bowls of this shit like I stole them.
  
• Watermelon: let the black jokes begin.
  
• Indian food: highly recommended (no pun intended).
  

Ok, so these are the staples. It goes without saying that literally everything tastes better when stoned, but these selected few are the equivalent of a wet dream when loaded up on the wacky. In my research, I came across this place. It's located in Sarasota, FL, which happens to be a winter nesting ground for Ol' Fatboy. I will try it and report back next winter, but it should be noted that this suprises me as the average age in Sarasota, Florida is probably carrying at least a 6 handle. I'd guess a place called "Munchies" would be in SF or anywhere in VT...

Stiff Neck

Woke up with a nasty stiff neck today, and I can't figure out why. May have something to do with what happened to me last night.

Ok, so Bears bouncing off trampolines are funny. But how about Bears attacking retarded women at zoos? Hell yes. This clip has me brimming with questions:

1. Why did she need a close up?
2. How on Earth did she not realize the Bear was close to the bars?
3. Why did anyone bother to save her?

More on this last point. I figure, if you're stupid enough to get close to a Polar Bear enclosure and the bear gets you, hey, that's your problem. This begs the non-sequitur question: would you rather get taken down by a Polar Bear, or an Octopus?

Back in the game baby!

A brief hiatus for The Fatboy, but now I'm back in the game, baby!

Took some time off from the blog to manage my depression due to work. By "manage", I mean, "go home and smoke pot." Nothing de-stresses like the gange, what can I say?

So yesterday, upon arrival and acceptance that I was stuck there for 8 more hours, someone sent me this angel. Now, generally speaking, I treat the "attractive" female golfers on tour the same way I treat the "attractive" girls at bars near 2am - I'd do them all, but I might think differently the next morning. This Russian girl though... she's hot no matter how you look at it. I'm thinking of moving to Russia - seems like it's nothing but hot chicks coming out of there, and athletic ones to boot!