Lesbian Polar Bears

Don't they have Vets at this place? This is pretty fucking stupid.

Dots not Feathers

This pic has got to be photoshopped, but if it isn't - fuck, I wanna meet these people. My cat wouldn't even let you touch her.

Anyway, year in year out the Pittsburgh Pirates suck. I know it, you know it, annoying Mets fans know it. Maybe this is why.

Japan has had a pro league for what, 50 years now? How many guys have they pumped into MLB? A dozen maybe, only 5 or so of which are any good. I'm a better GM here from my toilet than the Pirates GM.

Negotiation

Negotiation. It's a fine art. The Fatboy negotiates everyday, so trust me. Whether it's knowing more than your counterparty, or having the wits to distract them while you waste time and find the funds to make a late payment, it's all the same. You're born with it, or you're not.

This guy, yeah, he was born with it.

One Fat Step for Mankind

Played a little golf this past week.

I'm no Kim Jong Il, but the Fatboy can get it around the course fairly efficiently.

I didn't do anything like this though.

Whomever smelt it delt it

So the Fatboy had a short flight back from southern Florida Saturday. This usually means two things: old people and tourists. The old guy sitting across the aisle from me was coughing up a lung in the nastiest way possible all flight long, which made me curse my iPod for being out of juice, and Jetblue for making my seat the only fucking seat on the plane without the DirecTv working. Fuckers.

The most disturbing part wasn't the coughing though. The guy farted a solid 5 or 6 times during the flight, and me and the guy directly behind him heard all of them (not to mention the smell). You know its bad when you have a conversation about someone else's flatulence in the cab stand at JFK.

All of that said, an homage to farts, because, as my mother once said, they are my favorite:

• Kids are generally scared at mine, too.
• I'd pass judgement on this guy, but I'll be doing this with my sons too.
• Ew. Really nothing else to say here.
• There's a Canadian Idol? Weird.
• And, of course, no fart compilation would be complete without T&P (careful, swear words). Pay careful attention to the very last second for Philip's comment, which kills me every single time.
  

Dancin'

I was so happy to be back home, I decided to record myself dancing.

Man, feels good to be back.

Spam

Spam. Those crazy Hawaiians love it, God knows why. Lately, they're not the only ones though, and this fact blows my Fatboy mind.

So what the hell is in this shit anyway? I figured it was lips and foreskin... ya know, the usual nasty shit that's in hot dogs and stuff. Surprisingly, it's not that bad. Maybe that's why Robert Byrd has lived to be 400 years old. Hmm.

Panties. Moist, panties.

I'm back, bitches. I feel refreshed, relaxed, and more importantly, motivated to get all 3 of my readers back into the routine of checking out what the Fatboy has to say.

Contrary to popular belief, I was not in Dallas this past week, though I do find that lace is very comfortable against my skin.

I like that he had an accomplice. A female one.

Vacation

Gone on vacation, I promise the posts will pick up when i get back next Saturday. I just need a week to recharge the ol' fatbattery.

Ta.

Blahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblah

Sorry for the lack of posts recently, the Fatboy's been shockingly busy at work. Since today is election day, and I'm watching the ubiquitous election coverage, a few random thoughts if you'll allow them:

• Tom Brokaw can't prounce the letter 'L'
• Andrea Mitchell looks more like Alan Greenspan than Alan Greenspan does (they're married)
• I'm so fucking sick of Sarah Palin it's not even funny
• Why are only black people allowed to have opinions about racism in this country?
  

More on this last point. NBC has Tavis Smiley on tonight to opine about how far this country has come with regard to racial relations since the year he was born, 1964. I particularly enjoyed Brian Williams saying to him, "This is why you're here with us" when he was done speaking. I'm confused as to why a black man has been brought on to discuss race relations when really anyone can discuss this. Isn't that racist in its own right? Whoa, deep. I'll just link to some random blonde girl in her underwear talking about god knows what.

Don't invite him, he's a cheetah

If they had just put the damn thing in First Class, this wouldn't have happened.

Sucks for the poor bastard that opened the cargo door to discover this when the plane landed...

Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch

So you're probably thinking, "Fatboy, did you put something down on your laptap keyboard by accident?" in regards to the title of this post. My answer: no. Apparently Welsh is a really stupid fucking language, so much so that they don't even get it half the time.

It did give me an excuse to post a picture of a hot chick wearing a Wales bikini though...