Um, huh?

Been meaning to write about this for a long time. The comments pretty much sum up just about all I have to say about this, so make sure you read them.

I realize we disclaim just about everything as a culture, because we are largely blameless as a culture. I think I generally trust the FDA, but like many people who do what I do for a living, my trust of the government has almost totally eroded. I mean, those fuckers came out a few weeks ago and re-racked their stance on Tylenol for shit's sake! That's why I want the people at Tylenol to also put out an ambiguous, convoluted, mystifying commercial delivered by a hot chick that doesn't really accomplish anything other than confusing me.

The Fatboy Quiz

You realize, of course, that 2 posts in the same day constitutes the most posting Ol' Fatboy here has done in some time. And I'm baked out of my head right now. Seriously.

So, without further adieu let's get this started. You'll need a pencil, and a pad of paper.

1. Do you currently have multiple plastic cartons of watermelon in your fridge?:
a. Yes, I do. (1 point)
b. Just one carton (2 points)
c. Nope (0 points)

2. Which best describes you:
a. Black women fear me (1 point)
b. Black women see me as a rival (2 points)
c. Black women love me (0 points)

3. What do you normally wear to work?
a. Some form of suit (1 point)
b. Business casual, no jeans though (2 points)
c. Jeans and shirt (0 points)

4. Is Oprah an asshole?
a. Yes! (0 points)
b. No (1 point)
c. Nigga, you betta watch yo' mouf! (3 points)

5. Which of these food pairings do you often crave?
a. Sushi, Vegetables, Nuts (1 point)
b. Pizza, Steak, Burgers (2 points)
c. Pork products, Anything in BBQ Sauce, Cornbread (0 points)

6. Dave Chappelle is:
a. A pretty funny black man (2 points)
b. A grossly overrated commedian (1 point)
c. The funniest black guy on the planet (0 points)

Ok, let's see how you did!
13 - 11: You're somewhat normal
10 - 8: You're probably a construction worker
7 - 5: You are either a gay man, or your name is Erin
4 - 2: You are a rich, white male who battles homosexual tendencies
1: You are an unemployed black man, or you're The Fatboy!
0: I don't know what you are

But, sex!

You read that correctly bitches!

So I went to a butt-sex seminar a few nights ago. Toys, techniques, leather. It had it all. Stimulates the senses if you know what I mean. I took vociferous notes, and made sure to put them where they belong: the internets for all to see!

Of course I'm kidding. Or am I?

RIP MJ

That picture is just flat out creepy. It honestly looks like his nose is silly putty - do a closer look and you'll see it appears as though it's been pushed together at the tip with the thumb and forefinger. If we press it against the Sunday cartoons, we'll have an exact, reverse copy.

Sad to see the weirdo go though, I must say. I know, I know, an unconventional thing for the Fatboy to say, but this guy is my generation's Elvis. I remember the exact moment I saw "Thriller" for the first time. I mean, look at the disclaimer! The guy was a pioneer for god's sake, we didn't start using rampant disclaimers as a culture until years later. Anyway, I owe it to the guy to give him his own post, so here it is.

I Want To Go To Your Bachelor Party, Tom

That's it. No Post, no links, no nothing. This is an open letter to Tom to make it possible for me, "The Optimus Prime of Bachelor Parties", to go to your's in Amsterdam. That's a pic out of the Fatboy's personal portfolio from said wonderful city. Make it happen, Tom.

I Fart in Your General Direction

To think, a posting totally dedicated to farts hasn't been done yet here on Fatboy Rides. Astounding. I mean, this site is run by the guy who once had a Whoopie Cushion mailed to him from his mother in college along with a card and a note that read "I sent you this Whoopie Cushion because farts are your favorite."

So you can imagine my glee when Ol' Fatboy here stumbled upon this gem this morning whilst perusing the internets. This may be a dumb thought, but the owners had to have named the horse that on purpose for fun, right? If so, that is absolute genius.

Fast forward to 2:00 for the good stuff.

Munchies

What's up, fuckers! Haven't been posting much lately, and I really have no excuse whatsoever. Sorry. Perhaps it's because the Professor (maybe my only reader at this point) has been MIA for a solid month now... not sure.

To redeem myself, I've decided to post about my favorite munchy-food while stoned, as I got good and stoned yesterday and pretty much sampled them all. I'm gonna break this down Dr. Jack style:

• Pizza: specifically pepperoni pizza; there's a particular thin crust joint down in Grammercy that is out-fucking-rageously good when stoned.
  
• Cocoa Puff Cereal Bars: 100 calories of chocolate orgasm, I recommend the entire box.
  
• Smartfood: does the trick everytime, except when I made the mistake of getting the sour cream and onion variety.
  
• Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal: I generally eat bowls of this shit like I stole them.
  
• Watermelon: let the black jokes begin.
  
• Indian food: highly recommended (no pun intended).
  

Ok, so these are the staples. It goes without saying that literally everything tastes better when stoned, but these selected few are the equivalent of a wet dream when loaded up on the wacky. In my research, I came across this place. It's located in Sarasota, FL, which happens to be a winter nesting ground for Ol' Fatboy. I will try it and report back next winter, but it should be noted that this suprises me as the average age in Sarasota, Florida is probably carrying at least a 6 handle. I'd guess a place called "Munchies" would be in SF or anywhere in VT...