Give me that fish

This post is looooong overdue. This is arguably the funniest commercial ever made, and definitely the funniest commercial McDonalds has ever made.

So why the hubbub, Fatboy? Well allow me to proselytize: It is the Fatboy's belief that the hirsute fatboy in this video, in an attempt to make the cleaning of his garage a little more palatable, got really baked before or during the task. Inevitably, he got the munchies and hammered some filet o' fish sangwiches from McD's. Just as he's having his high hallucination, his buddy comes in (who may or may not be stoned, it's unclear to me). Just as his buddy wonders wtf is going on here, he gives him the "aw yeah" nod, as if to assure his pal that this is definitely real - while at the same time agreeing with the fish that he wouldn't be happy at all if it were him in the sangwich.

You're sold. Don't deny it.

Hey Nice Badger

Mascots. We all know what they are, but we rarely know who they are, and we rarely care. You don't need to be an actuary to predict that the people inside these costumes are huge dorks. Logic states that if you were cool, you'd be either on the field or in the stands drinking, hoping to bang some young filly later on at a post-game party.

These two fucking dorkbags.....I mean, is there anything dorkier than two mascots fighting each other? No, there is not. Some more dorkiness, here.

Movie Review: Zack and Miri Make a Porno

If you haven't seen this piece of shit, save yourself some time and just read the wiki recap.

This post is nothing more than a tyrannous rant, so allow me first to apologize for that fact. I watched this movie the other night while I was sick on my couch, and maybe it was the flu, but I felt vandalized afterward. Seth Rogen utterly and completely sucks. Elizabeth Banks is an average looking woman. The "plot" is the most retarded, obvious thing in the whole world, and the movie feels like it was filmed in 3 days without anyone in the movie bothering to read the script.

But allow me to opine further on Seth Rogen. Yes, I am jealous that he rules the world and he's like 26 or something. But jeez. This guy can't act, it's totally improbable he'd ever even sniff the panties of Banks or that chick from Knocked Up. This whole movie was done as a favor to him by Judd Apatow so he could possibly get into Banks' pants. It's like that pathetic David Spade movie where he ends up with that hot french chick from Braveheart.

Worth its patheticness in Gold

I have to be honest, this made me sad. It really did.

I've learned a lot of lessons the hard way in life, and that's prepared me for making decisions going forward that I think/hope are the correct ones. But imagine learning the lessons of life the way these 2 chuckleheads have had to learn them? Ouch man.

How do you not put money away? I make squat compared to what these 2 guys made during their careers and even I have enough money away to last me, oh, maybe 6 months. Not to get all high-horsey on you, but I would never ever sell my soul for a silly laugh on a pathetic Gold commercial. Man.

The Ironing is Delicious

So let me get this straight: you're Muslim, you own and operate your own TV station whose modus operandi is to counter myths about Islam/Muslims, aaaaaannnnnnd you beheaded your wife?

Hmm. He might as well have hijacked a plane and flown it into his house while his wife cooked dinner.

Sidenote: is this picture not the awesomest dog-Halloween costume in the history of the world?

Hmmm

Ok so I'm really stoned right now and just had an out loud conversation with myself about whether or not I find Gwenyth Paltrow attractive or not.

I mean, is she? Certainly she's relatively attractive. Like, if I were at a bar and she was giving me the "vibe", would I fatciprocate? I'm really not sure. That movie where she's really a fat chick, but Jack Black thinks she's skinny because he's hypnotized by that dude with a huge head... wait. Oh, right, in that movie when she's skinny I actually think she's sorta hot. But then every picture or something I see in a magazine or online I never think she's hot.

Ok, time to eat.

Confusion

It's Sunday morning, so my brain is functioning at half capacity due to the myriad intoxicants that were entered into my bloodstream last night. That said, while drinking coffee I got caught up in Forrest Gump on HBO.

This movie famously beat out the greatest movie of all time, The Shawshank Redemption, for Best Picture in 1994. If anyone took the Academy Awards seriously, this might piss me off more, but as it is, it just simmers as simply "bullshit" in my mind.

The older I get, and the more often I see this movie, the more I think it totally sucks balls. It's a movie about a half wit who continually gets lucky, somehow bangs a chick with AIDS, has a kid, yet doesn't get AIDS, and ends up living well the rest of his life. I really couldn't be more confused.