Underestimating the sneakiness

It doesn't take The Professor, a master of logic, to tell you that you shouldn't sneak up on wild animals. Even those that are "tame".

I mean, the bear told you on day one, "Don't sneak up on me, I don't like that. That's my only rule." At least that's how I imagine it.

Does it count as a sneak attack if you react in a "I don't give a shit" manner? What about if the attack evolves into a primo ass sniffing session? I say yes.

Fatburn

So I cut myself the other day eating, thank god I had this. No infection for the Fatboy, bitches!

The reality of this product: it's fucking stupid. I'm not a doctor of infectious diseases, nor did I have any schooling in biology outside my sophomore year in high school, but I have a basic understanding of the world around me. Do you really need to disinfect yourself on the spot? It can't wait until you get home? What's the statistic for people infected with staph after a fucking rugburn? Please.

Nothing creepy about that at all

Man, I wish I could paint. I'd totally have an awesome website with ol' Fatboy here schtooking various Sports Illustrated Swimsuit models, or maybe even Victoria's Secret models (if I'm feeling saucy).

Man, that'd be awesome.

Unhappy Ending

Gee, thanks a lot, God. I mean, if God can't give you a happy ending, who the hell will?

I really enjoy the matter-of-fact-ness of this article. I'm no Bible study expert, but I do know my way around the New Testament, and if recall properly, God is basically incapable of giving the human race a happy ending, right? I mean, we're such a lost cause, that He sent his only Son down to Earf to save us, then had some chucklehead named John write a really nasty ending chapter. I've seen the Seventh Sign man, I know what's coming!

So you'll have to pardon my complete lack of surprise that He won't intervene and save the planet from environmental perril. And for the record, that photo is funny and all, but when you get a happy ending, you're laying face up...or so I'm told. Ahem.

Um, Hello?

So the Fatboy has been stoned a few times more than he'd like to admit in the last couple of weeks. How come, is it the markets? Is it the fact that the President is trying to take everything away from him leaving him only with his fatness? Is it his 3rd floor walkup?

Nope. Just felt like it. I set my dvr to record every goddamn episode of Family Guy ever made and got to watchin'. I came across this with a mouthful of Smartfood and soon after had the vacuum out cleaning up my mess. Kills me everytime. But is the original even funnier?

EDIT: I'm told that "The Man" took down the clip that makes this post worth while. It's Peter Griffin listening to Lionel Ritchie's song "Hello" and soliloquizing to Lionel whispering, "Who hurt you?" Wow, that's really not as funny to read.

Fatburger

How come this dude's wearing a helmet?

That burger is weak, yo. Not as big and meaty (hehe) as this one. A cool 4,800 calories. If I, and other fatboys of the like ran the world, the percent value thing on the backs of food boxes would be based on a 4,800 calorie a day diet, bitches! That way, normal stuff would look puny and make me feel better about consuming 10,887mg of sodium in one sitting.

The "nutrition" in this burger can be found here.

Creepy

So the ol' Fatboy went out for some of the games yesterday. Made a few stops around southern Manhattan, one with some hot girls, some with... um, not so many hot girls.

Got to talking with this hipster chick who was all coked up and it went a little something like this. I haven't met what I would deem a "normal girl" in probably 3 years living in this godforsaken place.