The Overbought List

Overbought. It's weird for me to say that, because in Ol' Fatboy's market, "oversold" actually means "overbought" - weird right? The Fatboy works and acts in mysterious ways.

I've been meaning to sling together an epic post here for quite some time, and nothing would make me happier than publishing the first ever Fatboy Overbought List. Ce soir, on chante!

• Will Ferrell: Go away.
• Brad Pitt: See above. You are a terrible actor, and that preview for "Inglourious Basterds" makes me want to fucking toss my TV out the window (and hopefully land on you should you be filming a movie out on my sidewalk).
• Quenten Tarrentino: While we're at it, you suck too. You were only popular because overly violent films is its own genre and what goes around comes around.
• Brett Favre: The king! This guy's like herpes for fuck's sake.
  
• Michael Jackson: Oh, wait, you did go away. I don't think he's "overbought" in the classic sense like those above, I think the coverage of him is. People seem to already have forgotten his weirdness. *Sigh*.
  
• Organic Food: A massive victory for American Cheese everywhere.
• Barrack Obama: I don't care what your political affliations are, you have to be sick of this guy.
  
• Hipsters: I saw a guy whose jeans were so tight the other day, I actually saw the outlines of the head of his penis. I mean, come on. Why can't I see cameltoe on hipster chicks? Makes me hate them more.
  

This will be a recurring post. I mean, Ol' Fatboy hates everything, so a short list like this goes against his nature. I'd be interested to hear comments or suggestions whether it be from my peeps in the Fatboy Circle of Trust, or you other random viewers via the comment feature.

Um, huh?

Been meaning to write about this for a long time. The comments pretty much sum up just about all I have to say about this, so make sure you read them.

I realize we disclaim just about everything as a culture, because we are largely blameless as a culture. I think I generally trust the FDA, but like many people who do what I do for a living, my trust of the government has almost totally eroded. I mean, those fuckers came out a few weeks ago and re-racked their stance on Tylenol for shit's sake! That's why I want the people at Tylenol to also put out an ambiguous, convoluted, mystifying commercial delivered by a hot chick that doesn't really accomplish anything other than confusing me.

The Fatboy Quiz

You realize, of course, that 2 posts in the same day constitutes the most posting Ol' Fatboy here has done in some time. And I'm baked out of my head right now. Seriously.

So, without further adieu let's get this started. You'll need a pencil, and a pad of paper.

1. Do you currently have multiple plastic cartons of watermelon in your fridge?:
a. Yes, I do. (1 point)
b. Just one carton (2 points)
c. Nope (0 points)

2. Which best describes you:
a. Black women fear me (1 point)
b. Black women see me as a rival (2 points)
c. Black women love me (0 points)

3. What do you normally wear to work?
a. Some form of suit (1 point)
b. Business casual, no jeans though (2 points)
c. Jeans and shirt (0 points)

4. Is Oprah an asshole?
a. Yes! (0 points)
b. No (1 point)
c. Nigga, you betta watch yo' mouf! (3 points)

5. Which of these food pairings do you often crave?
a. Sushi, Vegetables, Nuts (1 point)
b. Pizza, Steak, Burgers (2 points)
c. Pork products, Anything in BBQ Sauce, Cornbread (0 points)

6. Dave Chappelle is:
a. A pretty funny black man (2 points)
b. A grossly overrated commedian (1 point)
c. The funniest black guy on the planet (0 points)

Ok, let's see how you did!
13 - 11: You're somewhat normal
10 - 8: You're probably a construction worker
7 - 5: You are either a gay man, or your name is Erin
4 - 2: You are a rich, white male who battles homosexual tendencies
1: You are an unemployed black man, or you're The Fatboy!
0: I don't know what you are

But, sex!

You read that correctly bitches!

So I went to a butt-sex seminar a few nights ago. Toys, techniques, leather. It had it all. Stimulates the senses if you know what I mean. I took vociferous notes, and made sure to put them where they belong: the internets for all to see!

Of course I'm kidding. Or am I?

RIP MJ

That picture is just flat out creepy. It honestly looks like his nose is silly putty - do a closer look and you'll see it appears as though it's been pushed together at the tip with the thumb and forefinger. If we press it against the Sunday cartoons, we'll have an exact, reverse copy.

Sad to see the weirdo go though, I must say. I know, I know, an unconventional thing for the Fatboy to say, but this guy is my generation's Elvis. I remember the exact moment I saw "Thriller" for the first time. I mean, look at the disclaimer! The guy was a pioneer for god's sake, we didn't start using rampant disclaimers as a culture until years later. Anyway, I owe it to the guy to give him his own post, so here it is.

I Want To Go To Your Bachelor Party, Tom

That's it. No Post, no links, no nothing. This is an open letter to Tom to make it possible for me, "The Optimus Prime of Bachelor Parties", to go to your's in Amsterdam. That's a pic out of the Fatboy's personal portfolio from said wonderful city. Make it happen, Tom.